Another day I had a “chat” with Arnold Schwarzenegger (Ahnuld) and asked him to share with us his timeless wisdom and one of his favorite anger management techniques. What follows is a brief advice to be taken to heart if you truly want to be a “BIG DOG”.
P.S. In case you’re having some difficulties with Ahnuld’s Austrian accent you can find the transcript below.
Transcript:
Ahnuld Wisdom On Why Anger is for Sissies and How to be a Big Dog
“Listen Everybody… If you get angry and lose control then I want tell you a secret… ANGER IS FOR SISSIES.
You see, anger is a sign of weakness… Why? Because big dogs don’t bark. They don’t need to. You need to become a big dog… like me! HA HA
I want to give you three rules how not be an angry sissy and be a big dog.
Rule Number 1: Don’t be a sissy and don’t bark. PERIOD.
Rule Number 2. You’ve got to respect other people’s opinion without getting angry… and then do what YOU want.
Rule Number 3. If you don’t want to be a sissy, learn how to manage your anger and fight fairly. But most importantly – don’t bark.
If you are angry, your children will be angry too. They will pass it on to your grandchildren. If you don’t want sissiness to be part of your legacy then act like a big dog. (Insert a photo of that angry kid)
La la la la… la la la la… anger scares your friends away…. La la la la… la la la la… be a big dog and rule your day…. HA HA HA HA!
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Hello. Ive been looking at your site with much interest. My problem is coping with a angry teenage step son . His father and I are at are wits end with his constant anger and verbal abuse. I spend most of my time avoiding him as I am passive in nature normally but on a daily basis I feel myself stuffing my anger inside me .I know this is not healthy but we are dealing with a boy in constant state of angry. Ive been kind and tried to be nurturing to him .but he so hard faced. His mother is a angry person and she parented him through fear. A authoritarian which I don’t agree. But it seems its the only language he understands now. Completely defiant in everything. Banging your head on the proverbial brick wall would get more sense. Ive tried to explain to him that you won’t get the best from people if you talk and treat people this way .But you can see eyes roll and blank ignorance. Can’t get through the hard exterior. He thinks the only way to get anything in life is being vile and stamping foot demanding it .Because this is how his mother is, he is under the illusion that this behaviour works .he has no friends .what does that say ? Sorry but didn’t know if you could offer some insite. Also he refuses to go school and is having counselling to no avail. I get that he obviously a very hurting young man but soo hard to help when you can’t reason with someone. Hopefully your techniques will at least help to keep myself calm and sane .
Many thanks Leah Kenny
Hello. Ive been looking at your site with much interest. My problem is coping with a angry teenage step son . His father and I are at are wits end with his constant anger and verbal abuse. I spend most of my time avoiding him as I am passive in nature normally but on a daily basis I feel myself stuffing my anger inside me .I know this is not healthy but we are dealing with a boy in constant state of angry. Ive been kind and tried to be nurturing to him but he is so hard faced. His mother is an angry person and she parented him through fear. A authoritarian which I don’t agree. But it seems its the only language he understands now. Completely defiant in everything. Banging your head on the proverbial brick wall would get more sense. Ive tried to explain to him that you won’t get the best from people if you talk and treat people this way. But you can see eyes roll and blank ignorance. Can’t get through the hard exterior. He thinks the only way to get anything in life is being vile and stamping foot demanding it. Because this is how his mother is, he is under the illusion that this behavior works. He has no friends. What does that say? Sorry but didn’t know if you could offer some insight. Also he refuses to go school and is having counseling to no avail. I get that he obviously a very hurting young man but soo hard to help when you can’t reason with someone. Hopefully your techniques will at least help to keep myself calm and sane.
Many thanks Leah Kenny.
Hello Leah, thank you for a sincere note. I can only imagine how helpless you feel in this situation. You’re absolutely correct in thinking that it’s nearly impossible to help someone like your step son. Someone probably can but most likely not you or his dad because in his mind you are not an authority to him… teenagers are like this. Its obvious he has a huge burden of mental anguish and he’s always spreading the misery to people around him. The guy will most likely grow out of this when he matures but thanks to the upbringing by his insecure mother he will have many breakdowns before he has a breakthrough. If he wants to achieve anything in life he’ll be hitting a brick wall with his attitude and lack of emotional intelligence. One day it’ll hit him that his way does not work and it never did, only then he’ll be open to change. If at all possible send him to some camp to be more in the nature, be around more positive people. Please manage your own mental health as much as you can too, find a support group, feed your mind with noble and warm thoughts, learn to meditate. This way you’ll have a surplus of positive feelings and will cope better with anything that your step son and life throws at you. Much courage and patience to you and your family.
Hi,
I’m very angry and do not feel I am a sissy. I feel I am like every other American Mother. Normally I abide by rules 1&2 referenced above. However that didn’t work today when rule #2 would have most likely had me end up in jail. Scenerio: 18 yr old daughter had outpatient surgery today. The facility REFUSED to let me see her after she woke up and continued to refuse to let me see her until they wheeled her out for discharge. (The Doctor and my daughter both gave the staff permission for me to see her “as soon as possible” after surgery.) 40 minutes after the Doctor came out to tell me all was well and they should be calling me back soon, I started asking the nursing staff to let me go back. I was refused three times without reason other than “policy”. I could not believe they were treating me this way! They said “they would come out and talk to me in 15 min). By now, I want to kick the door in to make sure she is ok. This is not being a sissy. This is justified anger in my opinion. Instead, I call 911 and report a possible medical emergency they are not telling me about and report their refusal to let me see my daughter. The 911 dispatcher says he can’t dispatch until he talks to one of the staff on a non-emergency line! Really?????
By now, they come out with a feigned smile wanting to go over discharge papers and have me sign. They will be “bringing her out to me in a few minutes, she is dressed and ready to go home”. So what can I do at this point? I refuse to sign anything and say fine, bring her out to the car when your done. Instead of hitting or yelling (which I really felt like doing)… I went and got in my car. Nothing I did helped. At this point, I feel kicking down the door to see she was safe, and knocking that nursing staff with the self imposed grandiose egos on their … would have been the best option! They sent not one but three nurses to wheel my daughter out. Think they had a reason to be afraid? Like knowing they were wrong for what they were doing! Getting angry is a NORMAL and healthy defense mechanism when you are being mistreated. And the warning bark often prevents the attacker, abuser, thief from a lethal bite if they back down. Instead, they chose to gang up guessing but unsure I think, since they sent three, that I wouldn’t bite in front of my daughter and cause her distress.
So tell me…. is my anger not justified here? In this instance, Barking was much safer than my bite. Safer but non-affective. They kept my daughter away from me on purpose with no excuse other than policy which they failed to mention when the doctor gave the directive. How do you fight this fairly? Without money for a lawyer?
Hi and thank you for sharing this. Any parent will sympathize with your distress about your daughter going through surgery. Let me ask you… Ultimately, was your daughter fine as the nursing staff said that she would be? Did they really hide anything from you or where you only feeling that they were hiding things from you? If she was really in good shape and they were truthful about everything then do you feel your anger was useful to you or anyone around you?