≡ Menu

It’s a dreaded day. I’ve been busted. My parents just found out that I skipped  school for almost a year, missed a ton of classes and failed an entire semester. Home is going to be hell. Only question that comes to mind who is going to beat the crap out of me harder – my mom or dad. The dreaded doors open and I’m immediately faced with a barrage of scolding. Words go straight to my heart – “looser, idiot, bum, what an embarrassment!” They each scream at me louder than the other. My father raises his arm but I fall down to the floor and crouch into a fetus position hoping to avoid his blows but then it comes – three kicks in the row. They are not painful, physically.

Up to today I don’t remember what my mother said or did. She might have slapped me too but I don’t remember. What I do remember were those kicks. They violated a sacred bond between father and son, erased years of positive interactions between us, and possibly, I never forgave him for this.

You see, kids expect their parents to get angry when they mess up. They know it’s coming. What they never expect is to be humiliated. This is subhuman.

Life often makes me reflect on the ways my parents punished me for messing up. To be frank, it scares the bejesus out of me that I might discipline my [click to continue…]

{ 0 comments }

Short Fuse? Take Great Care of Your Nervous System

Short fuse, long fuse, everyone has one. There is no person on earth who doesn’t have a limit before getting irritated and then becoming angry. The only interesting question is how come someone’s reservoir of patience is much deeper than someone else? How come one gets irked and blows up from a sound of cat’s nails tapping on the hardwood when another one can take Chinese water torture for days and still keep their cool?

You might point out the obvious – patience! But patience is a finite resource. Besides, if one is not experiencing any irritation from an obvious trigger then what’s there to be patient about? The answer lies within our nervous system (NS). It is our NS that determines how comfortable we are in our bodies. In scientific terms a nervous system is responsible for “sending, receiving, and interpreting information from all parts of the body; it monitors and coordinates internal organ function and responds to changes in the external environment.”

In simple terms NS is intricately linked to our perception of things whether we’re aware of it or not. My past three years of struggle with health and insomnia has definitely taught me many lessons about the role that our nervous system plays in self control. Insomnia, especially, hits the NS like a bulldozer and makes one into a walking zombie. This is where I had the fortune to put all of my thus far accumulated “anger mentor” wisdom to the test.

It didn’t take long to notice that following a sleepless night my fuse was extremely short. I basically already got out of bed irritated and pissed for having gone through [click to continue…]

{ 0 comments }

Modern psychology says that being judgmental toward others is a psychological defense mechanism: we reject in others what we can’t accept in ourselves. It’s an insightful discovery but I believe it’s a short sighted one. Our inner critic has much deeper roots, those that hide way beyond the ordinary observation of the ego mind. 

Ever since I was a kid I was known for having “a bit” of a wild temperament. Naturally, life was generous with painful but valuable lessons. After all, no matter how high you fly, if your wings are made of ego you’ll eventually crash hard face down into a big pile of cow shit. Basic laws of the mighty Universe.

In addition, my dad was a total ass to my mom. I mean, he loved her but his was awful to her. Imagine a young boy growing up watching all that and you’ll get a sense of the type of “manhood” lessons I was ingrained with since childhood. After going through all this trouble myself I now notice other men struggling to keep their relationships together, all due to their fathers’ absence of basic skills on how to treat a lady and accept her with all her strengths and weaknesses.

Anyways, if you love exploring your inner world like I do then you have also done some soul searching, drilling into the depths of your heart asking one simple question – how can I criticize less? And I feel we have to frame it this way because it would be virtually impossible for one (masterful in the art) to just  ‘stop‘ criticizing. Gotta be realistic, right?  After all, making a mere wish to be something completely different from what you were your entire life is as effective as drinking more beer for a hangover remedy.  What we need is a system, a process that will [click to continue…]

{ 0 comments }

Anger is for Sissies!

Another day I had a “chat” with Arnold Schwarzenegger (Ahnuld) and asked him to share with us his timeless wisdom and one of his favorite anger management techniques.  What follows is a brief advice to be taken to heart if you truly want to be a “BIG DOG”. P.S. In case you’re having some difficulties with [continue reading…]

{ 4 comments }
picture of anger and mirror neurons

When you observe others and yourself you can’t help but to notice an interesting phenomenon – emotions are contagious.  It seems one can perk up and turn angry by merely watching another person get all hot and bothered.  You may think sometimes, “It’s almost unfair, this other dude is so ticked off but I can virtually taste [continue reading…]

{ 4 comments }

If you or someone you know is one of the more than 16 million Americans who deals with Intermittent Explosive Disorder (also known as Explosive Anger Disorder), then you know how greatly if effects the day to day lives of those afflicted by it. Here’s a brief guide to understanding this condition, as well as [continue reading…]

{ 0 comments }

One third of adults say they feel angry almost every day. Three-quarters feel irritated several times each week. Some are worried they are suffering from some sort of anger disorder. Typically, psychiatrists explain that anger is a “normal” emotional state; one that everyone experiences and which, in itself, is not evidence that there’s anything wrong [continue reading…]

{ 0 comments }
how to deal with angry people

Its as if you swallowed a hot coal and been burned by acid.  Violated and abandoned, a victim of life’s cruel sense of humor.  At times you just want to die: there is no escape, no light at the end of the tunnel, and no one to turn to for advice.   You know… that undignified, soul crushing [continue reading…]

{ 35 comments }
buddha and jesus on how to deal with angry people

Let me tell you a short story… – Once upon a time, on a beautiful sunny morning, a simple but enlightened being was passing through a village in an ancient India. Suddenly, a discourteous young man approached and began insulting him. “You have no right to teach others,” he shouted. “You are as stupid as [continue reading…]

{ 9 comments }
how to control anger with personal boundaries pic

Imagine a country without borders. There are no fences, no restrictions, no warning signs. Anyone can cruise through, set up camp and exploit its natural resources. If a land as this existed it would likely be trashed in a few years. No real country would allow this to happen yet we – people – permit [continue reading…]

{ 5 comments }