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Long time ago, in ancient India a young student asked his Teacher, “I fear death. How can I get rid of this fear?”

“Tell me,” the old man answered, “When you borrow a few coins, are you afraid to give them later back?”

“Of course not,” the student answered with surprise, “but what does this have to do with my fear?”

The teacher picked up a small piece of soil from the ground and continued, “You have received your body in debt with required return. And every bite of bread eaten by you, every sip of water drank by you increases that debt. You are made from dust on which you walk and the ground is your main creditor, constantly reminding you of this debt. It is pulling you down towards it. In the end, the ground will swallow you whole, without any remains.”

The old man threw the soil into the air, after attaining its fall, he finished, “No matter how high you rise, how long you are in the flight, you will still need to fall down. That is given. And to cope with the fear of this fall is very easy – stop thinking about yourself as the master of your body. Face the thought that you are just a tenant. And because you don’t know the length of your rent, remember that it can end at any second. We are all debtors, and our debts will certainly be recovered, no matter if we are afraid of it or not. So is there a point of being afraid?”

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It’s a dreaded day. I’ve been busted. My parents just found out that I skipped  school for almost a year, missed a ton of classes and failed an entire semester. Home is going to be hell. Only question that comes to mind who is going to beat the crap out of me harder – my mom or dad. The dreaded doors open and I’m immediately faced with a barrage of scolding. Words go straight to my heart – “looser, idiot, bum, what an embarrassment!” They each scream at me louder than the other. My father raises his arm but I fall down to the floor and crouch into a fetus position hoping to avoid his blows but then it comes – three kicks in the row. They are not painful, physically.

Up to today I don’t remember what my mother said or did. She might have slapped me too but I don’t remember. What I do remember were those kicks. They violated a sacred bond between father and son, erased years of positive interactions between us, and possibly, I never forgave him for this.

You see, kids expect their parents to get angry when they mess up. They know it’s coming. What they never expect is to be humiliated. This is subhuman.

Life often makes me reflect on the ways my parents punished me for messing up. To be frank, it scares the bejesus out of me that I might discipline my [continue reading…]

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Short Fuse? Take Great Care of Your Nervous System

Short fuse, long fuse, everyone has one. There is no person on earth who doesn’t have a limit before getting irritated and then becoming angry. The only interesting question is how come someone’s reservoir of patience is much deeper than someone else? How come one gets irked and blows up from a sound of cat’s nails tapping on the hardwood when another one can take Chinese water torture for days and still keep their cool?

You might point out the obvious – patience! But patience is a finite resource. Besides, if one is not experiencing any irritation from an obvious trigger then what’s there to be patient about? The answer lies within our nervous system (NS). It is our NS that determines how comfortable we are in our bodies. In scientific terms a nervous system is responsible for “sending, receiving, and interpreting information from all parts of the body; it monitors and coordinates internal organ function and responds to changes in the external environment.”

In simple terms NS is intricately linked to our perception of things whether we’re aware of it or not. My past three years of struggle with health and insomnia has definitely taught me many lessons about the role that our nervous system plays in self control. Insomnia, especially, hits the NS like a bulldozer and makes one into a walking zombie. This is where I had the fortune to put all of my thus far accumulated “anger mentor” wisdom to the test.

It didn’t take long to notice that following a sleepless night my fuse was extremely short. I basically already got out of bed irritated and pissed for having gone through [continue reading…]

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how to control anger with personal boundaries pic

Imagine a country without borders. There are no fences, no restrictions, no warning signs. Anyone can cruise through, set up camp and exploit its natural resources. If a land as this existed it would likely be trashed in a few years. No real country would allow this to happen yet we – people – permit Read more

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anger management techniques primer

“Conquer yourself rather than the world.” This indeed seems to be the motto of the most inspiring and convincing people throughout human history.  From today’s neuro-scientists and quantum physicists to the most famous sages in the past, all point to one simple fact – that heaven and hell is located between our ears.  It is WE who determine Read more

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How to Avoid the World on a Short Fuse Day

anger management on short fuse

Everyone steps out of bed on the  “wrong foot” once in a while. Sometimes, on two wrong feet. “Why is this damn alarm clock so loud?” “Who put my toothbrush back in the cabinet?” “Why does the omelet have so many eggs in it?” On days like this, our family runs for the hills, and Read more

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Whether you feel angry, depressed, or even madly in love you can thank for that the most powerful pharmacologist in the universe – your brain. In the previous post “When Foods Attack – Can Your Dinner Make you Angry” I shared with you some diet items to avoid if you are trying to cope with Read more

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anger addiction

Anger addiction… It’s a wild notion, isn’t it? Perhaps you know someone or maybe even know them very personally (if you know what I mean) who is an anger junkie; who always seems to have a crisis going on. Heck, some people walk around looking for reasons to get offended. Be it light or overblown, Read more

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How Can You Be Angry When… Part 1

How can you be angry when your love and care are so needed? [stextbox id=”black” image=”null”]“Don’t grieve. Anything you lose comes round in another form.”  – Rumi[/stextbox] How can you be angry when every 50 minutes a child dies in America from domestic abuse? [stextbox id=”black” image=”null”]“The wound is the place where the Light enters you.”  – Rumi[/stextbox] How Read more

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From Long Term Depression to Light in One Night?

Here is a story of an unbelievable transformation; a story even I would have a difficult time believing if it wasn’t a close friend who was involved.  Her name is Sofia.  She wanted to share this with you in case you find yourself suffering from life draining depression. “I had an acute psychological break (APB) in September Read more

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