It’s 6:30 pm. You’re finally home. Kenny G is in da house and your nose is in the fridge sniffing for something to munch before your lover boy is home from work. You kick back on the couch sifting through your mail when you hear those anticipated foot steps. Only this time they sound more like stomps. You hear cussing behind the door because the door and when he finally comes in he dramatically declares his arrival by slamming the door. “Oh oh..” The cuddly bear that left this morning has morphed into a Lochness monster – again. He has either been fired or gambled away his entire salary. In any case, you sense your night is about to turn into hell. What do you do?!
My friend Catherine used to find herself in this scenario more often than she cared to admit even to her closest friends. However, she knew I am “into this stuff” so she shared an interesting development in her life. You see, Catherine’s husband has a stressful job and has a tendency to bring his stress home and share a dose of it with Catherine during dinner. She said the first year or so I just listened and tried to console him. However, the more I did it the more he nagged and complained. It became a habit for him. Eventually I got so tired, I started nagging in return, then we would argue, get into fights, slam a few doors and go sleep in separate beds.
One day Catherine decided she couldn’t live like this anymore. She decided to do something Read the full article →
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Sometimes good insights come when you least expect them and from someone who’s cutting your hair. Anna is a lovely, collected lady. Even though she’s good at it, she hates fighting. Her husband is the nicest guy to others, yet he is an Olympian in verbal abuse to her. He never misses an opportunity to pinch her sensitive spots and rubs her nose in every possible flaw a human may have. She feels belittled over pretty much everything under the blue sky. And then there’s the mother in law. If Anna’s daughter showed any lack of manners or basic life skills the monster in law would immediately point out that the girl must have inherited this behavior from her mother.
Naturally, Anna was combative and willing to engage in every fight. She said “I felt like I had to respond to his attacks and respond I did! But the worst came from my mother in law. I felt instantly sucked into all of her attacks, many times engaging in the most pitiful fights. I just felt that if I did not respond to accusations “their” words would be validated. Some of the arguments would drag out for hours. It was exhausting.” She fell a victim to depression and massive headaches.
Enough is Enough When You Say So
Then one day Anna decided enough was enough. She was sick of it all. While drying my ever greying hair she just said: “Then I changed and it was over.” My curiosity was peeked and I almost jumped up from the chair. “Changed what, changed how?!” She said: “I just changed.” This was slowly driving me bonkers. I elevated my voice over the hair blower: “Anna, how did you change?!” “Oh” she said proudly, Read the full article →
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Sometimes I sit here, feel life go by and think that it takes some fine balance to be authentic and in touch with who we really are and then putting on a facade and behaving in a way as to keep a daily job and make a living… Sometimes it’s just so dang exhausting.
What a demanding world we live in. If not careful, the tides of responsibilities and social “norms” can carry us far away from the calling of our souls. Before we know it, we can find ourselves bitter and calloused; out of reach from simple joys.
“The ludicrous element in our feelings does not make them any less authentic.” - Milan Kundera, Encounter
Sometimes it takes a friend to remind us this and sometimes… well just a bottle of beer and a finger up the nose can produce quite an insight. You know the mantra, sing it baby! – “But we’re never gonna survive, unless… We get a little crazy…”
Video below if you feel like it… Read the full article →
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