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guru with disciples

A Hindu saint who was visiting the river Ganges to bathe found a group of family members on the banks, shouting in anger at each other. He turned to his disciples smiled and asked:

‘Why do people shout in anger at each other?’

Disciples thought for a while, one of them said, ‘Because we lose our calm, we shout.’

‘But why should you shout when the other person is right next to you?,”  asked the saint. ‘You can as well tell him what you have to say in a soft manner.’

Disciples gave some other answers but none satisfied the other disciples.

Finally the saint explained, ‘When two people are angry at each other, their hearts distance a lot. To cover that distance they must shout to be able to hear each other. The angrier they are, the stronger they will have to shout to hear each other to cover that great distance.

What happens when two people fall in love? They don’t shout at each other but talk softly, because their hearts are very close. The distance between them is either nonexistent or very small…’

The saint continued, ‘When they love each other even more, what happens? They do not speak, only whisper, then they get even closer to each other in their love. Finally they even need not whisper, they only look at each other and that’s all. That is how close two people are when they love each other.’

He looked at his disciples and said, ‘So when you argue do not let your hearts get distant, do not say words that distance each other more, or else there will come a day when the distance is so great that you will not find the path to return.’

The story testifies to one key aspect about anger – it’s an alienating emotion which we can’t afford. Think about it… when we are angry we feel misunderstood and have a deep wish to be heard, but ironically, our tone of voice achieves the exact opposite. It’s a shame as we might be communicating a valid point but because we spit fire, our words close, instead of open, the situation to a solution.

It’s also quite evident that by shouting the person we hurt the most is [click to continue…]

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How Can You be Angry When… Part 2

how can you be angry1

“How Can You be Angry When” is a series of posts meant to pause the words, ground you and hopefully inspire you to shift perspective, consider the alternative; even if… it’s just for a moment.

“But there was no need to be ashamed of tears, for tears bore witness that a man had the greatest of courage, the courage to suffer” – Viktor E. Frankl, Auschwitz (Nazi Labor Camp) survivor  in his book Man’s Search for Meaning

how can you be angry3 [click to continue…]

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emotional puppett

“Our puppet strings are hard to see, so we perceive ourselves as free.” – Theodore Melnechuk, Poet and Scientist.

Life – a precious opportunity to exist on the terrestrial plane among animals and fellow human beings. Full of joy, love, service to others, and at the same time riddled with pain, frustration and disappointment.   Ever changing events, people, our own body seem to dictate our own emotional states to the point where we have surrounded even a sliver of hope that we, ourselves, can be capable of managing how we think and feel.  We’ve all come to accept life as an emotional roller-coaster without the steering wheel.

Any honest introspection will inevitably lead to a stark conclusion – “free-will” is merely an illusion.  We have surrendered our emotional intelligence to others, who consciously or unconsciously, have made us their personal emotional puppets. Or perhaps, if one was to look the truth square in the eye – in order to further our agenda, we too have become masters of emotional puppetry. In any case, we live in an interesting social dilemma – others constantly coerce us with their whims, and we have learned to manipulate them in return, all because we have accepted one cold fact – most of our emotions are run by a pre-programmed autopilot. [click to continue…]

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difficult people2

“Look, I’ve tried all of your advice on dealing with angry people and nothing works. I’m at the end of my wits, what else can I do?” When once in a blue moon I get an e-mail stating something like this I have to access my drawer of secret advice and introduce a radical notion [continue reading...]

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dealing with psychopath

When I was a “seasoned” nurse, the first thing I would tell new psych nurses was to throw out everything they learned in books. I explained that although saying sweetly “I’m concerned about you….. for whatever reason” may work with neurotic folks who just want to talk, that it wouldn’t get you anywhere in an [continue reading...]

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god in flames from anger

Unless you were one of the fortunate ones who happened to have a Sunday school teacher who wasn’t afraid to be bluntly blasphemous you were stuffed with the notion that God is a truly nice guy, watching after us from above with a loving tender, ready to forgive every sin. Bible itself, however, says nothing [continue reading...]

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hpa axis brain bw

Our body is a system in which all of the components are designed to work smoothly and in perfect balance with each other.  The same way that one broken part can bring a car to a screeching halt, so can our bodily organs. The last article was a short introduction to our HPA Axis.  Traditionally [continue reading...]

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reset HPA axis

If you are anywhere like me, you must have days that feel like the software in your mind is glitching so bad you just want to stick that head in the freezer or drink yourself to death just to enjoy a moment of peace. It can seem like no matter how hard you try to [continue reading...]

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rules for fighting fair

Sun Tzu, one of the greatest Chinese generals, strategists and philosophers believed that the supreme art of war was to subdue the enemy without even fighting. He said “To fight and conquer in all our battles is not supreme excellence; supreme excellence consists in breaking the enemy’s resistance without fighting.” Most of us would be [continue reading...]

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Source: Vinoth Chandar flickr

Everybody likes to argue. People that don’t like to argue are either dead or in comma. The only question is what kind of fights do you like? There are people who like to fight and are willing to employ their entire God given arsenal of wits in order to arrive at their own version of [continue reading...]

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