“How Can You be Angry When” is a series of posts meant to pause the words, ground you and hopefully inspire you to shift perspective, consider the alternative; even if… it’s just for a moment.
“Our puppet strings are hard to see, so we perceive ourselves as free.” – Theodore Melnechuk, Poet and Scientist.
Life – a precious opportunity to exist on the terrestrial plane among animals and fellow human beings. Full of joy, love, service to others, and at the same time riddled with pain, frustration and disappointment. Ever changing events, people, our own body seem to dictate our own emotional states to the point where we have surrounded even a sliver of hope that we, ourselves, can be capable of managing how we think and feel. We’ve all come to accept life as an emotional roller-coaster without the steering wheel.
Any honest introspection will inevitably lead to a stark conclusion – “free-will” is merely an illusion. We have surrendered our emotional intelligence to others, who consciously or unconsciously, have made us their personal emotional puppets. Or perhaps, if one was to look the truth square in the eye – in order to further our agenda, we too have become masters of emotional puppetry. In any case, we live in an interesting social dilemma – others constantly coerce us with their whims, and we have learned to manipulate them in return, all because we have accepted one cold fact – most of our emotions are run by a pre-programmed autopilot. [click to continue…]
“Look, I’ve tried all of your advice on dealing with angry people and nothing works. I’m at the end of my wits, what else can I do?” When once in a blue moon I get an e-mail stating something like this I have to access my drawer of secret advice and introduce a radical notion that you’ve all heard – “kill them with kindness.”
I want to share with you what I’ve learned about true kindness, why I feel that “killing them with kindness” works like a charm, and why it is also greatly misunderstood to the detriment of everyone involved.
A quick story from my life. During my first few years in real estate, somehow I developed this idea (perhaps thanks to my broker manager) that “the client is always right.” In my head that meant that the client can be moody, pushy, bossy and unreasonable yet I was to respond with kindness, nod my head and agree. After all, all I saw was a big paycheck on their forehead and I was willing to do whatever it took to cash it. [click to continue…]
When I was a “seasoned” nurse, the first thing I would tell new psych nurses was to throw out everything they learned in books. I explained that although saying sweetly “I’m concerned about you….. for whatever reason” may work with neurotic folks who just want to talk, that it wouldn’t get you anywhere in an [continue reading...]
Unless you were one of the fortunate ones who happened to have a Sunday school teacher who wasn’t afraid to be bluntly blasphemous you were stuffed with the notion that God is a truly nice guy, watching after us from above with a loving tender, ready to forgive every sin. Bible itself, however, says nothing [continue reading...]
Our body is a system in which all of the components are designed to work smoothly and in perfect balance with each other. The same way that one broken part can bring a car to a screeching halt, so can our bodily organs. The last article was a short introduction to our HPA Axis. Traditionally [continue reading...]
If you are anywhere like me, you must have days that feel like the software in your mind is glitching so bad you just want to stick that head in the freezer or drink yourself to death just to enjoy a moment of peace. It can seem like no matter how hard you try to [continue reading...]
Sun Tzu, one of the greatest Chinese generals, strategists and philosophers believed that the supreme art of war was to subdue the enemy without even fighting. He said “To fight and conquer in all our battles is not supreme excellence; supreme excellence consists in breaking the enemy’s resistance without fighting.” Most of us would be [continue reading...]
Everybody likes to argue. People that don’t like to argue are either dead or in comma. The only question is what kind of fights do you like? There are people who like to fight and are willing to employ their entire God given arsenal of wits in order to arrive at their own version of [continue reading...]
Loving an angry person can be a daily challenge. Even worse, confronting angry people often creates an atmosphere that is hostile and distancing or punishing with aggression or cold hostility. However, you might have reached a breaking point and are ready to do a cost-benefit analysis of the consequences of your changing the rules and [continue reading...]