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judging others

Children in my part of the world have a saying: “If you say it onto others, you say it onto yourself.” But it is not until they grow up that they realize the true weight of these words.

We all judge others, it’s a habit. We like to judge. There is even an industry catering to our needs – the show biz. What we love about shows like American Idol is not the performances but the ability to judge those performers from the comfort of our couch. Heck, we even judge those “judgemental” judges. It’s a real thrill.

Judging is closely related to a Buddhist notion of “discriminating wisdom,” which refers to our mind’s ability to perceive all phenomena ‘as it is‘ and its ability to discern how it is all interrelated. This is our  power to act in ways that are most beneficial to sentient beings at any given time.  However, because of our ego and its inability to experience non dual nature of reality we tend to cling to concepts and build relationships with them, often times elevating our own superiority. This is what unenlightened judgement really is: “I know better, I am better, but if I’m clearly not better then I know who’s better than you, because I’m smart this way.”  Ego, too, works in [click to continue…]

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Short Fuse? Take Great Care of Your Nervous System

central-nervous-system-bw

Short fuse, long fuse, everyone has one. There is no person on earth who doesn’t have a limit before getting irritated and then becoming angry. The only interesting question is how come someone’s reservoir of patience is much deeper than someone else? How come one gets irked and blows up from a sound of cat’s nails tapping on the hardwood when another one can take Chinese water torture for days and still keep their cool?

You might point out the obvious – patience! But patience is a finite resource. Besides, if one is not experiencing any irritation from an obvious trigger then what’s there to be patient about? The answer lies within our nervous system (NS). It is our NS that determines how comfortable we are in our bodies. In scientific terms a nervous system is responsible for “sending, receiving, and interpreting information from all parts of the body; it monitors and coordinates internal organ function and responds to changes in the external environment.”

In simple terms NS is intricately linked to our perception of things whether we’re aware of it or not. My past three years of struggle with health and insomnia has definitely taught me many lessons about the role that our nervous system plays in self control. Insomnia, especially, hits the NS like a bulldozer and makes one into a walking zombie. This is where I had the fortune to put all of my thus far accumulated “anger mentor” wisdom to the test.

It didn’t take long to notice that following a sleepless night my fuse was extremely short. I basically already got out of bed irritated and pissed for having gone through [click to continue…]

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critisising others

Modern psychology says that being judgmental toward others is a psychological defense mechanism: we reject in others what we can’t accept in ourselves. It’s an insightful discovery but I believe it’s a short sighted one. Our inner critic has much deeper roots, those that hide way beyond the ordinary observation of the ego mind. 

Ever since I was a kid I was known for having “a bit” of a wild temperament. Naturally, life was generous with painful but valuable lessons. After all, no matter how high you fly, if your wings are made of ego you’ll eventually crash hard face down into a big pile of cow shit. Basic laws of the mighty Universe.

In addition, my dad was a total ass to my mom. I mean, he loved her but his was awful to her. Imagine a young boy growing up watching all that and you’ll get a sense of the type of “manhood” lessons I was ingrained with since childhood. After going through all this trouble myself I now notice other men struggling to keep their relationships together, all due to their fathers’ absence of basic skills on how to treat a lady and accept her with all her strengths and weaknesses.

Anyways, if you love exploring your inner world like I do then you have also done some soul searching, drilling into the depths of your heart asking one simple question – how can I criticize less? And I feel we have to frame it this way because it would be virtually impossible for one (masterful in the art) to just  ‘stop‘ criticizing. Gotta be realistic, right?  After all, making a mere wish to be something completely different from what you were your entire life is as effective as drinking more beer for a hangover remedy.  What we need is a system, a process that will [click to continue…]

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hpa axis brain bw

Our body is a system in which all of the components are designed to work smoothly and in perfect balance with each other.  The same way that one broken part can bring a car to a screeching halt, so can our bodily organs. The last article was a short introduction to our HPA Axis.  Traditionally [continue reading...]

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reset HPA axis

If you are anywhere like me, you must have days that feel like the software in your mind is glitching so bad you just want to stick that head in the freezer or drink yourself to death just to enjoy a moment of peace. It can seem like no matter how hard you try to [continue reading...]

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rules for fighting fair

Sun Tzu, one of the greatest Chinese generals, strategists and philosophers believed that the supreme art of war was to subdue the enemy without even fighting. He said “To fight and conquer in all our battles is not supreme excellence; supreme excellence consists in breaking the enemy’s resistance without fighting.” Most of us would be [continue reading...]

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Source: Vinoth Chandar flickr

Everybody likes to argue. People that don’t like to argue are either dead or in comma. The only question is what kind of fights do you like? There are people who like to fight and are willing to employ their entire God given arsenal of wits in order to arrive at their own version of [continue reading...]

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Photo: Richard Upsur

Loving an angry person can be a daily challenge. Even worse, confronting angry people often creates an atmosphere that is hostile and distancing or punishing with aggression or cold hostility. However, you might have reached a breaking point and are ready to do a cost-benefit analysis of the consequences of your changing the rules and [continue reading...]

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nagger

It’s 6:30 pm.  You’re finally home. Kenny G is “in da house” and your nose is in the fridge sniffing for something to munch before your lover boy is home from work. You kick back on the couch sifting through your mail when you hear those anticipated foot steps.  Only this time they sound more [continue reading...]

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responding to verbal abuse 270

Sometimes good insights come when you least expect them and from someone who’s cutting your hair.  Anna is a lovely, collected lady.  Even though she’s good at it, she hates fighting. Her husband is the nicest guy to others, yet he is an Olympian in verbal abuse  to her.  He never misses an opportunity to [continue reading...]

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