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Long time ago, in ancient India a young student asked his Teacher, “I fear death. How can I get rid of this fear?”

“Tell me,” the old man answered, “When you borrow a few coins, are you afraid to give them later back?”

“Of course not,” the student answered with surprise, “but what does this have to do with my fear?”

The teacher picked up a small piece of soil from the ground and continued, “You have received your body in debt with required return. And every bite of bread eaten by you, every sip of water drank by you increases that debt. You are made from dust on which you walk and the ground is your main creditor, constantly reminding you of this debt. It is pulling you down towards it. In the end, the ground will swallow you whole, without any remains.”

The old man threw the soil into the air, after attaining its fall, he finished, “No matter how high you rise, how long you are in the flight, you will still need to fall down. That is given. And to cope with the fear of this fall is very easy – stop thinking about yourself as the master of your body. Face the thought that you are just a tenant. And because you don’t know the length of your rent, remember that it can end at any second. We are all debtors, and our debts will certainly be recovered, no matter if we are afraid of it or not. So is there a point of being afraid?”

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It’s a dreaded day. I’ve been busted. My parents just found out that I skipped  school for almost a year, missed a ton of classes and failed an entire semester. Home is going to be hell. Only question that comes to mind who is going to beat the crap out of me harder – my mom or dad. The dreaded doors open and I’m immediately faced with a barrage of scolding. Words go straight to my heart – “looser, idiot, bum, what an embarrassment!” They each scream at me louder than the other. My father raises his arm but I fall down to the floor and crouch into a fetus position hoping to avoid his blows but then it comes – three kicks in the row. They are not painful, physically.

Up to today I don’t remember what my mother said or did. She might have slapped me too but I don’t remember. What I do remember were those kicks. They violated a sacred bond between father and son, erased years of positive interactions between us, and possibly, I never forgave him for this.

You see, kids expect their parents to get angry when they mess up. They know it’s coming. What they never expect is to be humiliated. This is subhuman.

Life often makes me reflect on the ways my parents punished me for messing up. To be frank, it scares the bejesus out of me that I might discipline my [continue reading…]

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Short Fuse? Take Great Care of Your Nervous System

Short fuse, long fuse, everyone has one. There is no person on earth who doesn’t have a limit before getting irritated and then becoming angry. The only interesting question is how come someone’s reservoir of patience is much deeper than someone else? How come one gets irked and blows up from a sound of cat’s nails tapping on the hardwood when another one can take Chinese water torture for days and still keep their cool?

You might point out the obvious – patience! But patience is a finite resource. Besides, if one is not experiencing any irritation from an obvious trigger then what’s there to be patient about? The answer lies within our nervous system (NS). It is our NS that determines how comfortable we are in our bodies. In scientific terms a nervous system is responsible for “sending, receiving, and interpreting information from all parts of the body; it monitors and coordinates internal organ function and responds to changes in the external environment.”

In simple terms NS is intricately linked to our perception of things whether we’re aware of it or not. My past three years of struggle with health and insomnia has definitely taught me many lessons about the role that our nervous system plays in self control. Insomnia, especially, hits the NS like a bulldozer and makes one into a walking zombie. This is where I had the fortune to put all of my thus far accumulated “anger mentor” wisdom to the test.

It didn’t take long to notice that following a sleepless night my fuse was extremely short. I basically already got out of bed irritated and pissed for having gone through [continue reading…]

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Do you ever get angry at angry people? You know… when someone flips you off at a parking lot for taking too long to park or when that jerk on the freeway drives as if he owns the road and endangers lives of us “grandmas” for the sake of his own need for speed? Steaming about angry Read more

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Why Anger is the Enemy of Instruction?

“Anger is the enemy of instruction” – if the phrase rings the bell then you must have already seen the new AUDI commercial featuring NBA’s Phil Jackson.  This has got to be one of the  most fascinating ads I’ve ever seen.  It’s deep, classy and intriguing nature made me jump up from the chair when I Read more

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Compassion vs Empathy Vs Sympathy vs Plain Horny

sympathy vs empathy vs compassion

What do Compassion, Empathy, Sympathy and being Horny have in common?  Imagine yourself driving on a busy freeway when you suddenly see a lovely lady pulled over, looking all distressed, gazing at the flat tire of her car… What goes through your mind? What do you do? Do you sympathize, empathize or employ compassion to help Read more

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Is Anger Normal or is it Total Insanity?

Have you noticed how almost any anger management book or therapist will open up a conversation with “Anger is a normal and healthy emotion?”  Seriously, almost anything you read starts with this phrase and then a minute later they start telling you how unhealthy it actually is.  So which is it? Is normal or not normal? What about Read more

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When Foods Attack – Can Your Dinner Make You Angry?

how to control anger with food

The idea that diet and emotions are connected is not a new one; however the idea that you can control anger by watching what you eat has to sound pretty intriguing. Interestingly enough, some of the ancient wisdom traditions of the east and modern research singles out a few dietary culprits that can inflame our temper. According Read more

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Can Anger Really Make You Sick as a Dog?

after anger management

Its not a secret – it is impossible to be happy and angry at the same time.  While it is commonly accepted that psychological effects of prolonged anger are very harmful very few ever mention the damage this tension can inflict on our true home – the body. This stressed state was useful in ancient times – Read more

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Most people say anger is an uncontrollable reaction to external events that “tickle” our sensitivities. Scientists say anger is a sense of perceived threat that triggers a so called flight or fight response, causing you to feel threatened or defensive, and consequently – angry. Some research shows these reactions are exacerbated by head injuries or other trauma.  But is this Read more

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