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Letter to a Friend: “I am Always Angry, What is Wrong with Me?”

why always angry and unhappy

Anger is a symptom. It’s a symptom that one of your systems is overheated. If you are always angry over things, it could be a signal that you are operating under a very high level of frustration. Your brain’s amygdala (center of all emotions) may be overstimulated from daily stress or emotional trauma in the past and anything that even slightly trips the wire sends your emotions into a turmoil.

It feels as if you just want to strangle everyone for merely looking at you.  Everyone is an enemy.  “They don’t get me.  They don’t get the world. They are damn stupid and have no clue what I’m going through.  Screw them! Screw the world!  They can all go f@#*^ themselves!!!”

Did I nail it?  Trust me brother or sister, been there, done that, walked that road in midnight, know exactly how it feels.  It’s a miserable and destructive place to be but there is always hope.

Always Angry or Not Happy?

Anger is also a sign of frustration over unmet needs and expectations (often quite unreasonable ones). However, I bet if you challenged the notion whether you are really “ALWAYS” angry you’d find that you are not.  There are many hours, even days when you are not angry but content.  The question is not why you are always angry but why are you not happy?

If the love within your mind is lost and you see other beings as enemies, then no matter how much knowledge or education or material comfort you have, only suffering and confusion will ensue – 14th Dalai Lama

You see, unlike the sun and the clouds, you can’t be happy and angry at the same time. This is not a new age idea but an ancient truth discovered by every mystic who ever looked deep into their minds – mind’s essence is spaciousness and joy.  If you are experiencing anything else besides that then these mental states (known as afflictions or kleshas) are nothing but the clouds obscuring the ever present sun in the sky.

Anger passes.  All emotions pass. Like the clouds.  Like the storm.  It all passes eventually. So your goal is to simply understand how and why these storms come and go.  If you can find out what robs you of your happiness then you have a chance of fixing things.

What’s wrong with me?

Nothing.  Absolutely nothing. Just chill. Cool the pipes.  Turn of the engines. Hose yourself. Suck on ice. There is nothing wrong with YOU. However, your body parts, like the brain’s amygdala and central nervous system could be overheated from either stimulants in your diet, a lot of desire, unfulfilled dreams or the combination of all.

My advice?

Definition of Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results – Albert Einstein

Leave the house and busy city life in your rear view mirror and take time to look deeper.  Can you pinpoint what experiences are making you miserable and what is it that you REALLY want in life?  “But I don’t know what I want!” Let me guess, you want to be happy or at least content, don’t you… isn’t this the fundamental state you seek? “Yes, but how!?” Ah… now you’re asking the right question friend.

What helped me most was not some psycho analysis but understanding what is it that ultimately makes me happy.  I started reading lots of books and meeting wiser people. The answers were all around me.  Once I learned about more reliable sources of lasting happiness I was able to start letting go of all the things that made me miserable.  Unless you are into masochism and addicted to pain and drama you too will let go of everything that’s causing your mental anguish and seek a life of inner freedom.

Take Time

I encourage you, implore you – take time for your mental health.  Skip the junk food, skip the mind numbing TV shows, skip just another night at the bar, and skip the office drama at the water cooler.  Pick up an inspiring book (I’ve started a list in the books section if you like).  Make tea, relax, read.  Seek meaningful insights, nourish your mind and it will feed you in return.  Take time.  Before you know it, your brain will carve out new neuro pathways and change your relationship to “reality.”  You’ll feel real life running up and down your veins, and your face will brighten.  Take time.

Our mind is like a fertile field – Everything we see, hear, and feel, plants a seed in our store consciousness.  When the conditions are ripe the seeds germinate.  If we plants cactuses then cactuses is what will grow and it will be cactuses what we experience.  If we plant sun flowers then this is what will grow.  You are the farmer of your mind.
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{ 2 comments… add one }

  • Jo August 31, 2014, 3:01 pm

    I’m glad i found your site.
    Please change the “deplore” in your article above to “implore”
    I’m sure it’s a typo :)

    • AM Tadas September 1, 2014, 6:38 am

      Ha ha! that is quite a typo, eh? Scares me how many of these I must have around here. :-) Thank you so much Jo, all fixed now.

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