≡ Menu

Letter to a Friend: “I am Always Angry, What is Wrong with Me?”

why always angry and unhappy

Anger is a symptom. It’s a symptom that one of your systems is overheated. If you are always angry over things, it could be a signal that you are operating under a very high level of frustration. Your brain’s amygdala (center of all emotions) may be overstimulated from daily stress or emotional trauma in the past and anything that even slightly trips the wire sends your emotions into a turmoil.

It feels as if you just want to strangle everyone for merely looking at you.  Everyone is an enemy.  “They don’t get me.  They don’t get the world. They are damn stupid and have no clue what I’m going through.  Screw them! Screw the world!  They can all go f@#*^ themselves!!!”

Did I nail it?  Trust me brother or sister, been there, done that, walked that road in midnight, know exactly how it feels.  It’s a miserable and destructive place to be but there is always hope.

Always Angry or Not Happy?

Anger is also a sign of frustration over unmet needs and expectations (often quite unreasonable ones). However, I bet if you challenged the notion whether you are really “ALWAYS” angry you’d find that you are not.  There are many hours, even days when you are not angry but content.  The question is not why you are always angry but why are you not happy?

If the love within your mind is lost and you see other beings as enemies, then no matter how much knowledge or education or material comfort you have, only suffering and confusion will ensue – 14th Dalai Lama

You see, unlike the sun and the clouds, you can’t be happy and angry at the same time. This is not a new age idea but an ancient truth discovered by every mystic who ever looked deep into their minds – mind’s essence is spaciousness and joy.  If you are experiencing anything else besides that then these mental states (known as afflictions or kleshas) are nothing but the clouds obscuring the ever present sun in the sky.

Anger passes.  All emotions pass. Like the clouds.  Like the storm.  It all passes eventually. So your goal is to simply understand how and why these storms come and go.  If you can find out what robs you of your happiness then you have a chance of fixing things.

What’s wrong with me?

Nothing.  Absolutely nothing. Just chill. Cool the pipes.  Turn of the engines. Hose yourself. Suck on ice. There is nothing wrong with YOU. However, your body parts, like the brain’s amygdala and central nervous system could be overheated from either stimulants in your diet, a lot of desire, unfulfilled dreams or the combination of all.

My advice?

Definition of Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results – Albert Einstein

Leave the house and busy city life in your rear view mirror and take time to look deeper.  Can you pinpoint what experiences are making you miserable and what is it that you REALLY want in life?  “But I don’t know what I want!” Let me guess, you want to be happy or at least content, don’t you… isn’t this the fundamental state you seek? “Yes, but how!?” Ah… now you’re asking the right question friend.

What helped me most was not some psycho analysis but understanding what is it that ultimately makes me happy.  I started reading lots of books and meeting wiser people. The answers were all around me.  Once I learned about more reliable sources of lasting happiness I was able to start letting go of all the things that made me miserable.  Unless you are into masochism and addicted to pain and drama you too will let go of everything that’s causing your mental anguish and seek a life of inner freedom.

Take Time

I encourage you, implore you – take time for your mental health.  Skip the junk food, skip the mind numbing TV shows, skip just another night at the bar, and skip the office drama at the water cooler.  Pick up an inspiring book (I’ve started a list in the books section if you like).  Make tea, relax, read.  Seek meaningful insights, nourish your mind and it will feed you in return.  Take time.  Before you know it, your brain will carve out new neuro pathways and change your relationship to “reality.”  You’ll feel real life running up and down your veins, and your face will brighten.  Take time.

Our mind is like a fertile field – Everything we see, hear, and feel, plants a seed in our store consciousness.  When the conditions are ripe the seeds germinate.  If we plants cactuses then cactuses is what will grow and it will be cactuses what we experience.  If we plant sun flowers then this is what will grow.  You are the farmer of your mind.
Digiprove sealCopyright secured by Digiprove © 2012-2014
{ 4 comments… add one }
  • Jo August 31, 2014, 3:01 pm

    I’m glad i found your site.
    Please change the “deplore” in your article above to “implore”
    I’m sure it’s a typo 🙂

    • AM Tadas September 1, 2014, 6:38 am

      Ha ha! that is quite a typo, eh? Scares me how many of these I must have around here. 🙂 Thank you so much Jo, all fixed now.

  • mister mike February 23, 2017, 5:28 pm

    Wish I’d found your website and advice sooner.
    thanks for your efforts to gather all this very good advice.
    Is this a safe place to tell my story – I will be brief ?

    A borderline mother (a complicated difficult person who never should have had children) had two sons
    One son (me) nearly died at age 3 due to a wasp attack – then ran away from home as soon as he got old enough to drive a pickup truck.
    The other son did drugs, always needed $$$, stayed around the house… he took care of the borderline mother during her old age. She always gave him $$$ for his drugs. (Aha … The Enabler !)
    The son who ran away (me) discovered backpacking, Al Anon meetings and Buddhism. Realized – after an Al Anon Meeting – that I had given up the booze and one night stands – but I was … (Aha !) addicted to anger. I was being angry every other day – and was using righteous anger to energize my lifestyle. Wow – could I clean house when I was angry ! But the anger dissipated while I was backpacking – when I hiked and sweated to exhaustion – then adrenalyn and cortisol dissolve ?
    So I decided to try “One day at a Time” … how about one day without being angry ? And one more day ? I found a Buddhist mentor; found some books about PTSD, found a VA hospital Dr who know lots about PTSD. He said that I probably have basic nonverbal PTSD from the age 3 wasp attack… I probably have highly sensitized immune and fight/flight reactions. Probably a “High Cortisol” case ?? (duh, what’s that ??)

    I found lots of books about PTSD – especially Peter Levine’s Waking the Tiger… Now I often wake up at night and twitch… I let my tight muscles twitch and shake – like antelopes do when they emerge from the freeze. It has been hard… my system over reacts to noises, smells, invasions of my personal space. Last week I shouted at a jogger whose off leash dog threatened me… Then I called a park ranger; I called it in. I was shaking with adrenalyn … During my high school year, I tried to act like Clint Eastwood as The Preacher in Pale Rider – that cruel cold hard stare and emotionless face. I sang “I am a Rock, I am an island !… a rock feels no pain, an island never Cries” (old S&G song) But that was just a mask which I wore to scare the bullies away.. Maybe I raised my reaction thresholds ??? But still triggers would still overwhelm me … PANIC !

    Nowdays I read philosophy books; I hike for hours; I live in a remote mountain area, far away from cities and crowds. I avoid… society …

    Mother died two years ago. She named my brother (the angry drug addict) to be legal executor for her estate. He screamed at me over the telephone: “I Want it all ! I took care of her when she was sick, so I deserve it all !” But the legal docs say “EQual Shares” Good luck with that ? Meanwhile he has wrecked relationships with the neighbors, with the lawyers, with me and my wife. A concerned neighbor tracked down my email and sent messages complaining about my brother’s health and actions. (They thrive on small town gossip…). Another grumpy neighbor blocked the old dirt road to the old fishing cabin with boulders and No Trespassing signs. My angry brother has filed a lawsuit over the blocked right of way…his lawyer sent me two letters requesting me to appear in court as a witness. I have given them radio silence – and I am trying to resist. But I seem to be locked in by mother’s legal papers… I am legally connected to my anger-addicted brother.

    I am 63 years old, I am too old for panic attacks and his screaming raging telephone calls. A wise friend told me to file a “quit claim” deed and escape from the whole mess, just say “No” and leave it ?

    Psycholtherapy never did much good. A shrink prescribed some tranquilizers – but I avoid taking them. I hired a local hypnotherapist to hypnotize me- she took me back to right after the age 3 wasp attack. Amazing… I was looking down on that agonized swollen body – from above… a metaphysical entity was with me- holding a mighty psychic shield -to protect me from an evil orange gray rooted tree stump full of motherly wrongness/evil/malignant ooze. the mighty entity offered me a choice: to die and leave and be done with the pain (a 3 year old with ~ 30+ wasp stings ??? Oooowweeeee….) – or to fight to survive and to keep on living. He said – in soundless words: “Don’t ever give up on a human life !” (lots moreto describe)
    Next morning after the hypnosis I drew some cartoons of the images… the mightly entity of the shield ? Looks like the Archangel Michael. So I have created a place in my mind for Archangel Michael… sometimes he sends me intuitive hunches and still-silent whispers. He sends me doses of self confidence. Truth or delusion ? Nowadays I trust and believe that an invisible guardian angel is watching over me.
    Just did some reading about the Hopi Indian religion… Funny thing, they have guardian spirits/guides/teachers …Kachinas. And the Zoroastrians had “favrashis” … Socrates had his Daimonion…

    Sometimes my Guardian whispers silently: “Lets get out of this place…”
    I’d rather live alone – but not alone – with my invisible entity, than be surrounded by angry idiots.

    Back in college a friend called me “Pilgrim” after Jeremiah Johnson: “And some folks say he’s up there still”

    Well here I am, still thrashing and still surviving. I have found ways to cope with my over-reactivity. But I still have doubts. Is there really no sure – except lobotomy ? or the Guillotine ?
    I really did get excessively angry at the jogger with the off-leash dog.
    Too angry. I guess I am still a rage-aholic – in hiding.

    Thank you for listening

    / Mister Mike

    • AM Tadas June 3, 2017, 6:37 am

      Thank you for sharing Mister Mike, that is some story. You’re a strong man on a quest of self discovery. If you practice meditation and self observation you’ll learn that anger is just noise, you’ll still feel it but will be able to let it go, over and over. No need to turn yourself into tree huger; you are what you are; you just want to function better. Keep at it!

Leave a Comment