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Long time ago, in ancient India a young student asked his Teacher, “I fear death. How can I get rid of this fear?”

“Tell me,” the old man answered, “When you borrow a few coins, are you afraid to give them later back?”

“Of course not,” the student answered with surprise, “but what does this have to do with my fear?”

The teacher picked up a small piece of soil from the ground and continued, “You have received your body in debt with required return. And every bite of bread eaten by you, every sip of water drank by you increases that debt. You are made from dust on which you walk and the ground is your main creditor, constantly reminding you of this debt. It is pulling you down towards it. In the end, the ground will swallow you whole, without any remains.”

The old man threw the soil into the air, after attaining its fall, he finished, “No matter how high you rise, how long you are in the flight, you will still need to fall down. That is given. And to cope with the fear of this fall is very easy – stop thinking about yourself as the master of your body. Face the thought that you are just a tenant. And because you don’t know the length of your rent, remember that it can end at any second. We are all debtors, and our debts will certainly be recovered, no matter if we are afraid of it or not. So is there a point of being afraid?”

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It’s a dreaded day. I’ve been busted. My parents just found out that I skipped  school for almost a year, missed a ton of classes and failed an entire semester. Home is going to be hell. Only question that comes to mind who is going to beat the crap out of me harder – my mom or dad. The dreaded doors open and I’m immediately faced with a barrage of scolding. Words go straight to my heart – “looser, idiot, bum, what an embarrassment!” They each scream at me louder than the other. My father raises his arm but I fall down to the floor and crouch into a fetus position hoping to avoid his blows but then it comes – three kicks in the row. They are not painful, physically.

Up to today I don’t remember what my mother said or did. She might have slapped me too but I don’t remember. What I do remember were those kicks. They violated a sacred bond between father and son, erased years of positive interactions between us, and possibly, I never forgave him for this.

You see, kids expect their parents to get angry when they mess up. They know it’s coming. What they never expect is to be humiliated. This is subhuman.

Life often makes me reflect on the ways my parents punished me for messing up. To be frank, it scares the bejesus out of me that I might discipline my [continue reading…]

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Short Fuse? Take Great Care of Your Nervous System

Short fuse, long fuse, everyone has one. There is no person on earth who doesn’t have a limit before getting irritated and then becoming angry. The only interesting question is how come someone’s reservoir of patience is much deeper than someone else? How come one gets irked and blows up from a sound of cat’s nails tapping on the hardwood when another one can take Chinese water torture for days and still keep their cool?

You might point out the obvious – patience! But patience is a finite resource. Besides, if one is not experiencing any irritation from an obvious trigger then what’s there to be patient about? The answer lies within our nervous system (NS). It is our NS that determines how comfortable we are in our bodies. In scientific terms a nervous system is responsible for “sending, receiving, and interpreting information from all parts of the body; it monitors and coordinates internal organ function and responds to changes in the external environment.”

In simple terms NS is intricately linked to our perception of things whether we’re aware of it or not. My past three years of struggle with health and insomnia has definitely taught me many lessons about the role that our nervous system plays in self control. Insomnia, especially, hits the NS like a bulldozer and makes one into a walking zombie. This is where I had the fortune to put all of my thus far accumulated “anger mentor” wisdom to the test.

It didn’t take long to notice that following a sleepless night my fuse was extremely short. I basically already got out of bed irritated and pissed for having gone through [continue reading…]

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The way eyesight and the eye itself are inseparable, anger is closely tied to the ego. Your success of transforming anger and reaching higher states of awareness depends on one skill – the ability to recognize your mental patterns and calling out the egocentric behavior. Hate to be blunt but life experience dictates that those Read more

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Anger is for Sissies!

Another day I had a “chat” with Arnold Schwarzenegger (Ahnuld) and asked him to share with us his timeless wisdom and one of his favorite anger management techniques.  What follows is a brief advice to be taken to heart if you truly want to be a “BIG DOG”. P.S. In case you’re having some difficulties with Read more

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picture of anger and mirror neurons

When you observe others and yourself you can’t help but to notice an interesting phenomenon – emotions are contagious.  It seems one can perk up and turn angry by merely watching another person get all hot and bothered.  You may think sometimes, “It’s almost unfair, this other dude is so ticked off but I can virtually taste Read more

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If you or someone you know is one of the more than 16 million Americans who deals with Intermittent Explosive Disorder (also known as Explosive Anger Disorder), then you know how greatly if effects the day to day lives of those afflicted by it. Here’s a brief guide to understanding this condition, as well as Read more

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Anger Disorders: Symptoms, Science, and Therapies

One third of adults say they feel angry almost every day. Three-quarters feel irritated several times each week. Some are worried they are suffering from some sort of anger disorder. Typically, psychiatrists explain that anger is a “normal” emotional state; one that everyone experiences and which, in itself, is not evidence that there’s anything wrong Read more

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how to deal with angry people

Its as if you swallowed a hot coal and been burned by acid.  Violated and abandoned, a victim of life’s cruel sense of humor.  At times you just want to die: there is no escape, no light at the end of the tunnel, and no one to turn to for advice.   You know… that undignified, soul crushing Read more

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buddha and jesus on how to deal with angry people

Let me tell you a short story… – Once upon a time, on a beautiful sunny morning, a simple but enlightened being was passing through a village in an ancient India. Suddenly, a discourteous young man approached and began insulting him. “You have no right to teach others,” he shouted. “You are as stupid as Read more

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